I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
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Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
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but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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