you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He shit in the fireplace
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
