Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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