He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
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Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
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Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
what food is Colorado known for?