Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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