I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?