Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom

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(586): Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom http://tfl.nu/p7m9

Replies (4) Good night (1446) Bad night (490)
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!

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(405): You can't have hate sex in a hallway!! http://tfl.nu/3bhn

Replies (22) Good night (3930) Bad night (591)
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(503): View more from Oregon

I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?

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(503): I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant? http://tfl.nu/9d2p

Replies (15) Good night (679) Bad night (3122)
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(406): View more from Montana

Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.

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(406): Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast. http://tfl.nu/9556

Replies (18) Good night (6377) Bad night (946)
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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better

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(902): Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better http://tfl.nu/2vo6

Replies (4) Good night (821) Bad night (3742)
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(801): View more from Utah

he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.

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(801): he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages. http://tfl.nu/yro9

Replies (8) Good night (3404) Bad night (769)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

You're a rent hooker.

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(201): No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both. (1-201): You're a rent hooker. http://tfl.nu/wbsz

Replies (14) Good night (3678) Bad night (1000)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.

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(780): Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something. http://tfl.nu/bxdz

Replies (7) Good night (1192) Bad night (841)
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(925): View more from California

Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities

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(925): Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities http://tfl.nu/6vqv

Replies (9) Good night (1556) Bad night (608)
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(661): View more from California

Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.

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(661): Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting. http://tfl.nu/cxg1

Replies (4) Good night (434) Bad night (1526)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".

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(803): No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional". http://tfl.nu/sdb0

Replies (3) Good night (1102) Bad night (564)
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(573): View more from Missouri

Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it

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(573): Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it http://tfl.nu/zdls

Replies (5) Good night (1534) Bad night (761)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?

(1-804): View more from Virginia

Do you have any forwarding contact info?

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(804): Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface? (1-804): Do you have any forwarding contact info? http://tfl.nu/ibaz

Replies (3) Good night (749) Bad night (241)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.

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(412): its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game. http://tfl.nu/gy0r

Replies (8) Good night (612) Bad night (251)
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(207): View more from Maine

She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.

(1-207): View more from Maine

Hahahah pickled

(207): View more from Maine

I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.

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(207): She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect. (1-207): Hahahah pickled (207): I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water. http://tfl.nu/9g1y

Replies (1) Good night (248) Bad night (440)

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