I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
