Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.