is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.