He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back