People with herpes should wear stickers.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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