i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
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So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George