I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
