So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
