We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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