I'll bet she douches with gravy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
