Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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