I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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