Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
