life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
