dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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