forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
