getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
