I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
