We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
