i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
