He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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