please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
