I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
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I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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