You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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