i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize