I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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