I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
