Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
