my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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