he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
