An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
