We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
