so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
