you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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