I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
