sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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