lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
