Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
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So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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