I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
