Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
