i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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