Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
