i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
