he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
