I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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