just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
