Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
