11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
