I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
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