i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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