I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
then he tried to convert me to islam
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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