theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
