So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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