just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
