Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
