just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
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I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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