recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
