tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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