you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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