I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
