im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
