I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
