That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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