How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
