We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
