I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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