He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
