The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize