I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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