He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
