If that was your dad, he is hot
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
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