I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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