I intend to get homeless drunk
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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