she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
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