I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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