You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
