Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
