Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
