Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
