Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
