im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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