can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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