Got a toothbrush?
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
